Memories
I have been a wrestling fan since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I even made a career out of it for several years. I have seen legends like Hulk Hogan, The Legion of Doom and Macho Man Randy Savagecome and go over the years. I recall that amazing Survivor Series when Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase unleashed the Undertaker on the world of WWF wrestling. Of course us true wrestling fans recognised Mean Mark Callus right off the bat, but it was history in the making. I can sit and remember the glorious humor of Rowdy Roddy Piper has he belittles someone in Piper's Pit, or when Doc Hendrix, aka Micheal PSS Hayes from the Fabulous Freebirds brought out the Hardy Boys and started an entire generation of new fans to the sport. My memory is filled with amazing matches, moments, and gimmicks. Sadly, however, it is also filled with those gimmicks that just wreaked of stupidity.
Not only those that existed, but some that almost existed. Did you know Mankind was originally supposed to be called Melvin the Mutilator? Talk about a brain fart gone wrong!! Few of us can forget (no matter how hard we try) Hulk Hogan as Mr. America, or even us older guys out there, Dusty Rhodes as the Midnight Rider.
Bad gimmicks have a way of creeping up into the world of wrestling more often than we care to imagine. Look at Dave Batista. he started as Leviathan, a creature dredged from the Ohio River and set loose on OVW wrestling to entertain the masses. Some people have already forgotten when he was Deacon Batista, a servant to the Undertaker.
So I feel I have jerked the curtain enough and the show must go on, so yell to the crowd in the locker room that we are kayfabing and let's get the ball a rolling on the worst gimmicks of all time.
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Disclaimer
In this article I am going to poke fun at some wrestlers and I want everyone to know it is just all in good fun. I do not mean to be demeaning. Please take this as the joke it is meant to be, unless I am making fun of anything WCW did in the last few years of it's existence, all of that stuff I mean.... or do I? Anyway we will not be looking at the Stings, or Hogans. Nope, we will focus on those gimmicks so bad that even Bad News Brown and The Brooklyn Brawler laughed at them! So I hear entrance music, let's make our way to the ring.
Kevin Nash as Oz
Some you know
Let's start with looking at some wrestlers you already know. Kevin Nash for instance. I know he is not much of a wrestler now as he is a giant waste of air but at one time he was a very busy man. A time before he tagged with Jack Daniels and Prince Vicodin. Nash, who had an excellent run as Big Daddy Cool Diesel and was even a proud member of the WWE's most notorious locker room group the Clique, once played host to several cheesy gimmicks. At one point he was a Diamond Dallas Page wanna be named Vinnie Vegas. As Vegas he would spout off random poker terms and pretend to deal imaginary cards to his opponents. That was bad but as far as bad gimmicks go it just doesn't hold a candle to the worst gimmick Mr. Nash ever accepted.
WCW had always tried to get the attention of a younger audience and with all youngsters "The Wizard of Oz" seems to ring a familiar bell. While WCW worked to find a way to link this to their show some idiot decided to take the near 7 foot tall Nash and turn him into Oz. That's right Kevin Nash became the guy behind the curtain. He would arrive in bright green attire wearing an old man mask that just bored me to tears, even as a kid.
To make matters worse he had his own little horde of little people who apparently represented the Munchkins of Oz. With Oz all WCW did was take a behamoth of a man with all the potential of the world and turned him into a raving joke!
Isaac Yankem DDR
Kane did that... Really?
What about Kane. The 7 foot beast of the WWE who has been a dominating force since his arrival against his so called brother the Undertaker? Kane is actually Glen Jacobs, a very cool guy who had humble beginnings in Smokey Mountain Wrestling where he was the Unibomb and he teamed with my favorite wrestler Al Snow. Glen was amazing for such a big man and his in ring ability proved to catch the attention of not only the Undertaker but the big wigs at WWE. Had he jumped to the show with his Unibomb gimmick things would have been great but Vince had another idea.
Kane became Jerry Lawler's dentist, Isaac Yankem DDR. I kid you not, Yankem. This was such a downplay from the force that he had become as the Unibomb. The dentist gimmick just seemed absurd and even the dumbest of wrestling fansrefused to accept it. Waiting in the shadows for a better gimmick was not a good idea either. Vince, after losing Scott Hall (Razor Ramone) and Kevin Nash (Diesel) to WCW decided to cash in on his rights to their name and he debuted the new Razor and Diesel. Glen had the unfortunate task of being Diesel and despite the fact he did it well fans were not convinced and even less amused. As a result he went back to bad gimmick land and waited until some genius in creative came up with Kane.
Al Snow
Even my favorite wrestler, Al Snow, put a few away in the bad gimmick graveyard. He was once Shinobi and Avitar. These were two very dumb ninja gimmicks that just reflected the lack of talent in the WWE creative department. Al would go on to replace Shawn Michaels as the second member of the Rockers, where he would go by the name Lief Cassidy. A very obvious reference to Leif Garret and Shawn Cassidy who were not rockers by any stretch of the term. Even great talent like Al Snow had to suffer a few bad gimmicks. Let's take a look at a few more badly done gimmicks you may or may not remember, or you may be trying to forget.
The Demon
The Demon
Kiss had come back and come back big. Their albums were off the charts and their concerts were selling out everywhere they played. It did not take WCW long to decide to work a deal to capitalize on the Kiss army. The result was Demon. Demon was a Gene Simmons look alike whose only real interesting aspect was he breathed fire before he got in the ring and made a total fool out of himself.
Hoping to make a profit from a music industry war, WCW saw potential in the feud ICP had with Kiss. Kiss had released Psycho Circus and ICP felt they were impeding on their creation. WCW in turn brought Shaggy Too Dope and Violent J into the ring to war with The Demon. Fans found this amusing but not enough to keep tuning in week after week so WCW gave ICP a poster boy to put in the ring. This poster boy was Mexican wrestling's legendary Canadian Vampire El Vampiro. Of course what happened next was a series of what is best described as a cross dressing battle royal.
Demon faded into obscurity rather quickly leaving behind a sour taste in the mouth of wrestling fans everywhere.
Flash Funk, Pimpin' ain't easy when you dressed like that!
Flash Funk
Known in WCW as Too Cold Scorpio, this cat was one of the most innovative high flyers the industry had seen. He revolutionised the 450 splash and unveiled new moves every week. He was WCW's answer to WWE's high flying invasion. How do you take away from such a talented wrestler? Easy, you letVince McMahon's creative team loose on him. They did it by giving him bright silver stripper boots, a pimp hat, and changed his name to Flash Funk.
His talent became overshadowed by this pimp daddy gimmick they tried to conceal as a hip hop adjustment to a former character. Flash would go on to have moderate success but fans never really connected with the gimmick like thay did when he was Scorpio. It seemed to drift in and out. WWE than decided to try and bring a fresh look into the character with a series of videos that did anything but appeal to wrestling fans, especially women. The videos were as constructed as a 4 year old playing with a Harry Potter lego set. Each video would portray Flash as a womanizer and it kept putting emphasis on the pimp aspect of the character.
Great news though. Flash went on to Japan and reclaimed the Scorpio gimmick and has had great success in doing so.
Dear God, Really?
Aldo Montoya
This guy was called the portuguese man of war. Yep, WWE gave him a jelly fish nickname and expected fans to be all over it like free autographs of Sunny. Has if being named after a jellyfish was not bad enough they dressed this guy in a putrid yellow mask that made you instantly look at his nose. He wore yellow, green and red and looked like a Christmas card someone threw up on. Most fans were not aware of who was under the mask. Oh you didn't know? Under the mask of Aldo Montoya was none other than Road Dogg Jessie James, just playing. I really hope you didn't fall for that.
What made it even harder to accept was after every move he did one of the announcers would say "that must've stung". How serious can a human jelly fish be?
Aldo did have a pretty good run. He was very talented but the gimmick just was to goofy for even the most childish fans to grasp as a serious thing. I admit I loved his in ring presence and his ability to counter just about every move out there. I hated how he looked and the jellyfish thing just made me want to scream.
Aldo met with Vince to discuss changing the gimmick and doing something more risky with his in ring persona. He also needed a little time off and he assumed this would give creative time to kill off Aldo Montoya and give him something better to work with. He was wrong. Vince sent him to Memphis Pro Wrestling where he took an amazing pay cut and had difficulty maintaining a WWE attitude. It wasn't long before ECW discovered the young man and Justin Credible was born from the ashes of the human jellyfish!
I told you so!
Bob Holly
Hardcore Holly was not always the Alabama slammin', chair swinging, table breaking icon we know and love today. In fact at one time he was the supposed driver of the WWE Nascar. The only hardcore he knew was what came on PPV at the hotel if he payed just a little extra. he would make his in ring appearance as Sparky Plug. I know it sounds like a cartoon character to promote annual engine check ups but I didn't make it up! Sparky Plug would have moderate success teaming with 1,2,3 Kid. WWE must have really been pressed for names back then. He would prove to be an excellent young athlete and eventually the announcers began dropping the Sparky Plug moniker and calling him Bob "Sparkplug" Holly.
After time Sparky Plug faded away and Bob "Hardcore" Holly emerged. I admit I like Hardcore better and he has a lot more confedence.
Jack and Charlie a match made in hell.
Chainsaw Charlie
What the hell was this all about. Had WWE become so pressed for gimmicks they thought this would actually work. When Cactus Jack first brought out that giant wooden crate I was thinking a ton of ravioli or Beefaroni maybe. It is good enough for all Mankind. When a chainsaw cut through the wood I was excited. had Cactus jack brought the hardcore icon Leatherface to the WWE?
Than when a gimpy wrestler my parents grew up with came out wearing pantyhose on his head I face palmed like I have never face palmed before. Terry Funk dressed like a lumberjack with a pair of pantyhose on his head wielding a chainsaw. I stopped for a moment and thought, had Ric Flair turned 80 again. Now Terry Funk and Cactus Jack would be awesome, but Chainsaw Charlie?
Even with a chainsaw at his disposal Funk was not intimidating. I admit I turned to Monday Nitro every time I saw this poor excuse for a story line. Mind you Nitro's champion at the time may have been David Arquette. I kept waiting for Funk to trip and cut his own head off but still finish the match laughing the whole way. Few of us can forget when the Funks won the tag titles and Terry belted out the word forever a couple hundred times. That was epic. I really felt nothing epic could come from pantyhose and a chainsaw, granted it would be acceptable at Charlie Sheen's house.
Who do voodoo, he do voodoo.
Pap Shango
Before he was the Godfather he was Kama and before he was Kama he was Pap Shango. This voodoo gimmick started off with a great deal of appeal and really had fans glued to the set. It was a fun and effective counter to the Undertaker. With the skull face paint and that thick New Orleans draw Papa Shango was a demonic version of Miss Cleo.
I admit I loved and still do love this gimmick. He was a very talented wrestler and his ability to play the character was just amazing to watch week after week. No entrance had ever been so thrilling as that of the Undertaker until Papa Shango came to town.
I did not get bored of this gimmick when he was setting people on fire. Heck Lawler had been doing that for some time. I did not get bored when Undertaker kept finding voodoo mojo in his locker room, that was fun. I got bored when he began to possess other wrestlers, bending them to his will to over come the Undertaker.Thank God he didn't get stuck in voodoo land and we got to enjoy the Godfather and the hoe train!
Sub-zero, nope Glacier.
Glacier
Ok I admit I love Mortal Kombat. For months the phrase "finish him" was like second nature to me. WCW quickly caught Mortal Kombat fever and it drove them to bring out this horrid attempt at capitilizing on the popular video game. WCW had already made fools out of their roster with the appearance of Robo Cop at Sting's side. Glacier was hyped for weeks through a series of small video clips that would show this amazing ninja like guy doing crazy feats of acrobatic mayhem. Of course when the time came to debut he came out looking like Sub-zero's grandfather and sporting a very chunky stomach.
After the mask was removed he looked like an albino version of ECW's Sandman. This guy was about as talented as a 700 pound figure skater who hadn't eatin lunch. His name was perfect. In the ring he moved like a glacier, ever slowly inching toward a ninja move that made Bruce Lee go WTF!
I kept yelling finish him not because I wanted to see a cool move, I just wanted this guy to stop wrestling. WCW went a step further when they dressed Chris Kanyon up as Mortis, the enemy of Glacier. Mortis had a skull face like Scorpion. Now every weak I kept waiting for either a Chinese hat wearing old dude or a four armed giant to come into the ring and challenge the current champion. It became a silly little parade of creative malfunction.
I recall his first match lasted 10 seconds and in that time he botched at least 3 moves. Thank God this guy faded into bad gimmick darkness.
Boogey Man
He's gonna get you, and when he does he won't wrestle you down and beat you, nope. He will put worms on you. Of course only the ones he hasn't eaten yet. I admit I was a fan in the beginning. He had this dark aura but humorous just the same. The first time he headbutted the clock I was hooked. But it never developed. It just seemed to stay stagnant and that is a sure fire way to kill off a gimmick.
Boogey Man was this era's Ultimate Warrior. The entrance and the exit are amazing, but inside the ring you kinda feel left out in the cold. The guy could wrestle but not under such restraints that a gimmck like the Boogey Man put on you.
Rah Rah dear God make it stop!
Spirit Squad
A group of male cheerleaders in a wrestling ring. need I say more? What was really disturbing is most of these guys were very talented wrestlers. Let me first say two of these guy became WWE stand outs. Kenny Dykstra and Nick Mitchell who went on to become Dolph Ziggler.
This group really made me think of Shane McMahon's Mean Street Posse except Pete Gas and Joey Abs never made a pyramid out of their friends and said go team go. At least not in public.
This group of athletes were often overlooked because the gimmick just could not be taken seriously. In fact most of these members never regained any wrestling momentum after leaving WWE. The only acceptable cheerleader on WWE is a diva and these guys were not divas, at least not in the sense of being hot female wrestlers.
Doink the Clown
Ronald McDonald eat your heart out. You might make good burgers but can you take a suplex from Sargent Slaughter, I don't think you can.Doink had some success with this clown gimmick. Now you had one of the most frightening images coming to the ring giving kids balloons. I think Doink probably caused a lot of kids to abandon that fear of clowns.
What a lot of people failed to see is despite the clown outfit and the goofy antics this guy could actually wrestle. he was very talented. Doink made wrestling fun again and he did it in a way that always kept us wondering what he would do next. I recall his band of mini Doinks and his epic feuds with 
Ted Dibiase and Virgil. Doink made an impact as a character that should have been hit and miss.
Ted Dibiase and Virgil. Doink made an impact as a character that should have been hit and miss.
To this day he appears on indy cards all over the country and I myself have seen a few of these and he still brings the fans to their feet every time. Even though it is a bad gimmick Doink wore it well.
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